How To Get Out Of A Rut

I wish someone told me this 6 weeks ago

I know, I know, it’s been over four weeks since I last wrote.

And no, it wasn’t because I was too busy or forgot. Truth is, I fell into the nastiest rut I’ve ever experienced in my twenty-something years on Earth. It was that bad.

If you’ve ever been in a rut, you know how heavy it feels like being stuck in a loop where you’re fully aware things aren’t right, but you can’t find a way out. So you think your way deeper into it, hoping clarity will save you. I did exactly that… and more.

Looking back, the rut didn’t start when I stopped writing, it began long before that. And in hindsight, it’s lingered through most of 2025 so far. But now, I finally feel like I’m coming out the other side. As I reflect on what I’ve learned, I wanted to share a few realizations that helped me climb out, lessons I wish someone had whispered to me when things first started to slip.

If you’re currently in a rut (or want to be better prepared for the next one), here are 6 things I learned from being in the thick of it.

Number 5 changed everything for me.

1) Ruts Are An Act Of Rebellion.

You might ask, a rebellion against who? The answer: yourself.

A rut usually starts when your actions stop aligning with who you believe you are — or who you want to become. It’s like a fitness junkie spending days glued to a screen, skipping workouts. Deep down, they know it’s not them, and that dissonance creates discomfort. The longer it goes on, the worse it feels.

In my case, the rut began when school resumed physically. My routines were tossed out the window. A new environment, overwhelming coursework, and demands that didn’t match what I truly cared about and all of it pulled me further from my center. I wasn’t living in alignment, and my mind rebelled.

Just like most a rut is a signal to a deeper problem. And until you address the root cause, nothing changes and in my observation this is the root cause for every rut.

2) Give Yourself The Benefit Of The Doubt

This might sound counterintuitive, but being in a rut isn’t always your fault. Sure, it’s your responsibility to find your way out but that doesn’t mean you’re to blame for ending up there.

Think of it like this: navigating life today is like wandering through a desert, thirsty, when someone offers you water but it’s loaded with salt. It doesn’t help, yet you keep going back for more because you’re desperate. That’s the world we live in. Addictive phones. Processed snacks. Endless distractions. It's all designed to keep you hooked and the more you consume, the further you drift.

Sometimes, like in my case, the situation is simply out of your control. And that’s okay.

What matters is this: cut yourself some slack. Celebrate the small wins especially the ones that reflect who you’re trying to become. They’re proof you’re not lost, you are just finding your way back.

3) Acceptance Paves The Path Forward

Condemnation doesn’t liberate, it oppresses - Carl Jung

The first real step out of a rut is simply admitting you're in one. Acceptance is what clears the fog. It doesn’t mean you like where you are, or that you’re giving up. It just means you’re willing to see things as they are.

Staying in denial only makes things worse. You end up pretending, pushing, distracting until eventually, you collapse under the weight of everything you’re trying not to feel.

I learned that the hard way. For a while, I kept telling myself I was just tired, or unmotivated, or “adjusting.” But deep down, I knew I wasn’t okay. And it wasn’t until I stopped resisting and just said “Yeah, I’m in a mess right now” that things started to shift.

When you accept where you are, you stop wasting energy pretending. That energy can finally go toward healing, rebuilding, and moving forward no matter how small the steps.

4) See The Good In The Bad

One major lesson I’m carrying from this rut is simple: things won’t always go as planned and I have to learn to adjust, fast. Life isn’t interested in sticking to your script, and the quicker you accept that, the better equipped you are to deal with what’s in front of you.

Instead of complaining or wishing things were different, I’ve learned to work with what I’ve got. It’s not always pretty, but there’s always something useful in the mess a lesson, a reminder, even a small win.

You just have to be present enough to notice it.

If your goal isn’t just to escape the rut, but to grow from it, then the key question becomes:

“What is this here to teach me?”

Ask that honestly, and you’ll find the experience leaves you stronger not just scarred, but armored for the road ahead.

5) You Can’t Control The Mind With The Mind

Remember when I said a rut is an act of rebellion? Yeah that wasn’t just poetic flair. There’s a real internal war going on, and most of it is happening in your head.

The worst part of a rut isn’t the external stuff, it’s the endless overthinking. The constant mental loop of “Why am I like this?”, “I should be doing more”, “I’m wasting time”. You try to think your way out of it, but all that does is drag you in deeper.

Mark Manson calls it the feedback loop from hell. The moment when you feel bad about feeling bad, and then feel bad about that, and so on. It’s exhausting. And here’s the thing: you can’t fix that loop with more thinking.

You can’t think your way into better action, you have to act your way into better thinking.

That’s the shift that helped me the most. When I stopped trying to “feel ready” or “get in the mood,” and just did one small thing, wrote a sentence, went for a walk, responded to an email, I started to feel a little more like myself.

So if you want to get out of a rut, pick something small that aligns with the version of you you’re trying to get back to and just do it. Don’t overanalyze it. Don’t wait to feel perfect. Just start. The clarity, the confidence, the rhythm, they all show up after the action, not before.

And if you aren’t sure what action to take, the next lesson helps

6) Break Down The Ideal

You’ve probably got a picture in your head of the person you want to be or the life you want to live maybe it’s a 10-year vision. That’s great. But it’s useless if it only lives in your head and never makes it to your day-to-day life.

Here’s what you do: reverse engineer it.

Start with the 10-year vision. Now ask yourself:

What would 5-years-from-now me need to look like to be on track for that?

Then break that down into what your 1-year self needs to be doing.

Then 3 months.

Then 1 month.

Then 1 week.

Then today.

Before you know it, the massive, abstract “ideal” becomes a list of small, doable actions — stuff you can actually get done before lunch. And the best part? You start building momentum without waiting to feel ready or motivated.

So if you ever find yourself saying, “I don’t even know where to start,” try this instead:

Zoom out, then zoom all the way in.

Dream big but act small. That’s how you move forward without feeling crushed by the weight of your own ambition.

If you’re not sure how to do that on your own, I’ve created a FREE & simple guide called the Clarity Compass that walks you through this exact process from big vision to daily action. It’s practical, honest, and made exactly for moments like this. Click here to get it.

How to get out of a rut

By now, you’ve got a good sense of what a rut is, where it comes from, and the mindset shifts that help you move through it. But I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t pull it all together into something simple you can actually apply especially when you’re in the thick of it.

So here’s a framework I’ve come back to more than once. When you’re stuck, low, or just not feeling like yourself, try the B.E.E.R. method (no, not the drink).

B — Behavior First

You won’t feel your way into action. You have to act first. Pick the smallest thing that moves you in the right direction — take a walk, send that email, write a single sentence. Motion creates more motion. Clarity comes after the doing, not before it.

E — Earn Your Dopamine

Stop chasing cheap hits, the scroll, the snack, the show. Instead, do something that actually deserves a reward. Workout. Read. Create. Finish something. These build real, satisfying dopamine, the kind that makes you feel proud, not guilty.

E — Engage Yourself

Get out of your head and into your life. Talk to people. Go outside. Get into something physical, creative, or meaningful even if just for 10 minutes. The more present you are, the less power your mental loops have.

R — Rest & Replenish

You’re not a machine. Ruts often come from burnout or depletion mentally, emotionally or physically. Make space to rest well. Not just scroll in bed, but truly recharge. Sleep, stillness, solitude, whatever your soul needs to feel full again.

If there’s one thing I hope you take from all this, it’s that getting stuck isn’t a failure it’s a signal. A nudge to reconnect, reset, and realign.

And when it happens again (because it might), you’ll know what to do.

B.E.E.R. your way out. I’m still finding my rhythm again. But this time, I’ve got tools. And now, so do you

That will be all for today,

Enjoy your week.

~ Tolu